Well I was trying to find "Grocery Shopping" part and they deleted it. I will tell some more.



Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."

"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times.

Probably over to the "Other" forum where this thread and many others should be in the first place.

DDDDddddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

He told you, Carmona.

nope it's not there. It doesn't exist any more. Old ladies are crazy.

Dorothy and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.

Dorothy: "That nice Joe asked me out for a date . . . I know that you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well . . . I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such
beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for dinner. . a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show . . . let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.

Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me.... Two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! . . so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no. I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

The story on here is pretty funny.

http://www.usawks.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=6;t=000141;p=1#000020

i brought this up in the nraos and raos thread first carmona.

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a 'goy" and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it."

"Self preservation is important and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her."

"That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to feel guilty."

"It's worse Rabbi. I was weak and allowed her to repay me for my efforts with her sexual favours."

"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favourable balance between good and evil and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."

"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."

"And what is that?"

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

ur just jealous of the mad posting skillz the members of those 2 threads have

Nahhhhh, I actually think if I ever got kicked off if this thing still lives years later I would be MexicanSteve

Works for me TC ...... Mexican Steve ..... and, help me out on this, are you now a K-Stater as well? ........ if so, your life just keeps getting better and better! ........ Good Game! Stay up!

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a
round of golf. The good priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty
swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "S___, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "S___, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said
tartly.

The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he
misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, "Father George, God is going to strike you
dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father George swings and misses again. "S___, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the
sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.


And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

"S___, I missed."

I think you just doomed yourself with that last one, as well as anyone that laughed at it.

A woman walks into a convenience store and walks up to the counter. she asks for a pack of ciggarettes, and a lotto ticket. she pays, and then scrathces the ticket before she leaves. lo-and-behold, the ticket was the grand prize winner, and she won 5 million dollars, so she hops in the car and speeds home to her husband.

The woman barges in the front door and proudly exclaims "honey, pack your bags! I won 5 million dollars in the lotto!"

The husband hears this from upstairs and shouts back, "honey, that's amazing! what should I pack? beach stuff or mountain stuff?" to which the wife quickly replies "I don't ****ing care, just get the hell out!"

COWBOY AND INDIAN


While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding
along with a dog
and a sheep and began a conversation.

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak
to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Indian: Look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the
Indian.
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me
great food, and
takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: Look of total disbelief.


Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: Extreme look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty well, thanks for asking. He rides me
regularly, brushes
me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep big liar."