It is unfortunate that this type of behavior does happen... in any sport. Youth, collegiate, professional. It is a sport, a game to be "played", and was originally created by God, for the enjoyment and enrichment of those who participate, and for those who spectate. Sad, that it has become win at all cost....say, or do anything to make others out to be the bad guys....swear out loud, yell at officials, coaches, and even your own child.....say and do things that would shame & embarrass you if your mother was watching you. I cannot say that I am not without blame when it came to wanting my son to "beat that other kid" because I don't like the other parent/coach/club. However, taking a step back to think about what you said and did (in the heat of the match, or after it was over) and looking at your true reasons for it, can be a humbling & embarrasing experience. Really, what can be gained by any wrestler, should he win because his coach/parent/fans intimidated, scared, etc. his opponent? Not much. I also think that most of the yelling/screaming during the matches is probably more to encourage and get your wrestler fired up, rather than to intimidate the opponent. It probably is not interpreted that way by the other side of the mat. I could just be naive on this though.
I have grown to love this sport in the past 6 years of involvement. We went to Wichita knowing what the tournament was going to be like with the crowd, the screaming and the emotions. That was the downside.
We also went to the Wichita Classic knowing that the very best competition would be there for our kids to compete against, and that overall the tournament would be well run. That was the upside.
My son wrestled one of the best matches of his life against probably one of, if not the best wrestler in the state at that age/weight. My son won. He could have easily lost. I would have been proud of him either way. I just wish that Kansas wrestling parents and coaches could be satisfied with "praising the effort", rather than focusing on the "outcome". If we all take a step back, look at what we are saying/doing, and why.... maybe strings like this would become alot shorter, alot less emotional, and less frequent.
Good luck to all wrestlers/coaches/parents over the next 3 weeks.
Pray for peace.

Please find the following email response from Coach Dryden to Jennifer Smith. Coach Dryden wanted to handle this privately with an email he sent directly to Mrs. Smith. I feel the original email was the result of a miss understanding and being placed in the public forum had a potential to damage Coach Dryden’s reputation, I have therefore asked and been given permission by Boo to put this up for all to read. I think it speaks volumes for Boo and the way he treats wrestlers, weather on our club or not.
I think Coach Dryden’s suggestion that we try to resolve our differences one on one as opposed to airing dirty laundry in these public forums is one that we should all try to practice. We are not doing our kids or the sport any justice by making mountains out of molehills.
Sincerely,
Lindon N. Bontz
General Manager
Wichita Wrestling Club

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: I BELIEVE THAT OUR KIDS HAVE WRESTLED FOUR OR FIVE TIMES THIS SEASON, AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN DISRESPECTFUL TO ANYONE AFTER A MATCH. YOUR SON WRESTLED MY SON AND, BOTH OF MY NEPHEWS AT THIS TOURNAMENT. HIS FIRST MATCH WAS AGAINST MICHAEL SPANGLER {MY SISTERS SON} AND YOUR SON PINNED US. I TOLD YOUR SON AFTER THE MATCH HE WRESTLED A GREAT MATCH. I THEN, GAVE HIM A PAT ON THE BACK AND RUBBED HIS HEAD, THAT WAS THAT. HE WENT ON TO WRESTLE MY SON NEXT AND BOO PINNED HIM. BEFORE THE MATCH I TOLD MY SON THAT HE NEEDED TO GET A PIN FAST SO THAT MT OTHER NEPHEW LOGAN DRYDEN {MY BROTHERS SON} WOULD HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE CONFIDENCE GOING IN TO THE MATCH.AFTER THE MATCH I TOLD YOUR SON GOOD JOB ONCE AGAIN AND PROCEEDED TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER PAT ON THE BACK AND ANOTHER RUB ON THE HEAD. I THEN ASKED MY SON WHY HE DIDN'T'T GET THE PIN SOONER THAN HE DID. I TOLD HIM HE LOOKED SLUGGISH AND SAID HE WOULD HAVE TO WRESTLE BETTER THAN THAT TO TAKE HOME THE GOLD BECAUSE BOWEN IS A SUPERB WRESTLER AS WELL. NEVER ONCE DID I EVER SAY ONE WORD ABOUT YOUR SON AND I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE CAME TO ME AND ASKED WHAT OR WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT. WE HAD 52 KIDS AT THE TOURNAMENT I HAD NO TIME TO SAY HARDLY ANYTHING AFTER ANY MATCH. WE WIN LIKE MEN AND I TELL ALL OF MY KIDS TO LOOSE LIKE MEN,THE LOOSING PART OF THAT IS THE HARDEST TO MAINTAIN BUT WE DO OUR BEST TO SHOW THAT WE HAVE CLASS. MY SON IS LOVED BY A LOT OF CLUBS OUT THERE AND THAT IS BECAUSE I HAVE TAUGHT HIM ABOUT CLASS, WE HAVE IT. I WOULD ASK THAT YOU COME TALK TO ME BEFORE THE NEXT MEET OR TALK TO COACH MEANS OR MR.. BREWSTER OR ANY GODDARD COACH, OR ANY COACH FOR THAT MATTER, EVEN OUR DIRECTOR KIRK FROM WINFIELD. I AM RESPECTED BECAUSE I GIVE RESPECT PERIOD. I THINK THAT MY SON WORKS HARD AND PEOPLE WANT TO BEAT HIM BAD BECAUSE IS THEIR STEPPING STONE. WELL HE HAS LOST 8 TIMES THIS YEAR AND WE KNOW THAT HE IS A LONG WAYS AWAY FROM GREATNESS. HE IN TURN HAS HIS STEPPING STONES AND HE IS A LONG WAYS AWAY FROM BEATING THEM DO TO HIS SIZE, BUT HE LOVES THE CHALLENGE AND THAT WILL BE THE THING THAT HELPS HIM CLIMB HIS STEPS. I'M SORRY FOR WHAT YOU INTERPITTED BUT BELIEVE ME WE HAVE NO REASON TO BAD MOUTH A KID THAT WE HAVE BEATEN CONVINCINGLY EVERY TIME WE HAVE EVER WRESTLED.
RESPECTFULLY
COACH BOO DRYDEN

Dear Matratter,
In closing your initial post that started this wonderful topic, you stated:

”The more I think about it the more I think I am going to contact the club and let them know how embarrassing they were today. Get a life people its for kids to compete, learn values and have fun and being a coach for over 21 years, I can tell you from many experiences you are only hurting your son.”

I wish you would have thought about it more, and contacted us directly, instead of a knee jerk post with veiled innuendos. As Sherri Young stated, and to my understanding the Oklahoma coach had been thrown out at least once that day, possibly twice. I hope we all try to do best by our kids and be good examples for them, but in the case of that match when Travis Young had just lost a heart breaker, and gets taunted, cursed at and given the finger by the opposing coach. I haven’t meet a person who can righteously pass judgment on a loving protecting mothers response to a coach that shouldn’t have been mat side let alone inside the building. Sometimes what appears to be one thing is another, for example your comment on our pushing that coach in the back, that was his own people trying to get him out of there.

I received a private e-mail communication in response to my post titled Case history.

The communication is copied below in its entirety, with any individually identifiable information redacted out of respect for the sender.

""As you well know, our schools are an absolute mess, and I for one do not trust the judgment of many of the administrators and teachers."

Did you really mean to say this in a public forum? What do attribute this mess to? What do you do for a living? Should I attack your profession in a public forum. I wouldn't, I am not that type of person. Evidently you are. Thanks for showing your true colors. You might check the law to see what teachers are required to report and how it must be done."

Yes, I really meant to say this in a public forum.

The law(s) you are referring to are Kansas Statute 38-1522, 38-1522b, 38-1523, and several others. I will not bore the readers with the contents, and yes, I have read these statutes. No where in the statutes are the words "mandated reporter" used.

I do not believe there are many parents on this forum, with school aged children, who have not experienced frustration with the public school system. From the dumbing down of the academic standards to the complete lack of discipline by many in the schools. I could go on, however this is not the place.

I have been on our public schools Site Council, and am quite familiar with the many failures of the public school system.

I pulled one high school underclassmen out of the public school system and he is attending a Parochial High School, and next year his younger brother will follow, and the following year, my daughter.

Schools are no different than any other institution - why do you choose one doctor over another? One hospital, one gas station, one wrestling club? I am proud to say that last year my elementary school achieved 100% status with ALL of our students scoring in the top 3 catagories on our state assessments. Along with this, all of our ITBS scores went up as well. We achieved this through hard work and believing that every child in our district was capable of achieving this status. Don't give up on public schools - there is alot of good stuff going on!

As for speaking in anger - years ago my daughter was in high school learning to referee bitty basketball. There were 2 trained officials on the floor, plus my daughter who was finding her comfort zone on the court. I was keeping score when a parent/coach stood up and complained loudly that my daughter wasn't making any calls. She then proceeded to look me straight in the eye and ask is she was "as stupid as her mother". My daughter was devestated and never would officiate again. So be wary that your words, said in anger, don't affect adversly.

Wrestling Mom, I have to tell you that I think the mandated reporter thing is a good idea but I don't believe it should be a requirerment for Bronze certified coaches. Heck, half the bronze certified coaches are the people doing the abusing. So, that probably wouldn't work. That also brings up another point, if a certified coach is seen, in any fashion, being abusive, they need to be removed and have thier cards yanked forever. Let's put an end to ALL this BS now before we allow a few ugly people completely ruin this sport for good. Maybe each District ought to select a board of some type to moniter what goes on around the world of wrestling and take care of these problem people. Just a thought!!

dbull and others:

This thread has really went off on a tangent with the school system in Kansas being attacked - my comments about "mandated reporting" seems to have set this thread off the main point, that being parents behaving badly.

dbull I agree that nothing will probably change the behavior of those that are guilty of bad behavior at wrestling tournaments (or any other youth sports). I'm just thankful that in the 8 years that my kids have been involved in our club I have never had a coach lose his temper. They will argue a call if they feel the need but the do it in a calm and adult manner. And if parents behave badly the coaches will not hesitate to let them know that it is not acceptable.