Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

In 1959 Stephen Hawking became the first and only person to outsmart Chuck Norris. He learned his lesson.

one time chuck went hunting. he shot at the 32 point buck with his 30-30. he insisted the bullet was taking to long so he jumped in his dodge, beat the bullet to the deer and round house kicked the deer to the face before the bullet got there

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck norris tried suing burger kind for not putting razor wire on his whopper jr. he insisted that it was his way.

burger king*** my bad

chuck norris had his own version of punk'd. only in his version he would walk around and round house kick everyone in the throats.

When I came to work this morning, I was in a not so good mood. I was bummed out. Now I have laughed myself to happiness and I feel like roundhouse kicking someone in the throat. Thanks.

Just do it to the guy that wants the same job as you and not your boss, cause that is a sure fire way to lose that job... but hey if your kick is good enough Norris might take you for his next filming

yeah, one time chuck went to work in a bad mood also....when he left everybody else had been round house kicked to the face

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

Wasn't Norris but remember the movie Billy Jack and him telling the cop that he is going to kick him in the face? One of the great scenes in movies.

one time chucks girlfriend asked chuck "how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood" and chuck ripped her throat out and said "never rhyme in the presence of chuck norris"

You guys are all retarted because steven segal would kill chuck norris in a fight anyway

he'd break his neck
and he wouldn't even lose any sleep over it

previously posted by jahova13...
"you guys are all retarted because steven segal would kill chuck norris in a fight anyway"


hey jahova, did segal teach you how to type? it's "retarded" not "retarted"......who's retarded?