I took my son to a kid wrestling tourney this weekend. I have been coaching in high school wrestling for the past 25 years and hadn't paid any attention to the kid tourneys all that time. I was appalled by what I saw. Parents by the hundreds coming down out of the stands and screaming bloody murder at little six and seven year old kids who in turn looked back with some mix of fear and frustration on their face. There were so many of them and so many fans that it makes you wonder why the numbers are so low in high school now. FIGURE IT OUT!!! Why would anyone want to do something and get that from their parents. It is just as hard on the kids who are not being screamed at like a banshee. Chaos is terrible for kids this age. I was ashamed that it was going on in a sport I love and have devoted most of my life to. It is sooo sad.

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. I HAVE BEEN COACHING KIDS FOR 8 YEARS NOW, AND THE CONDUCT OF SOME OF THE PARENTS AND COACHES MAKES MY STOMACH TURN. IF THE PARENTS THINK THAT IT IS SO EASY TO SHOOT A TAKEDOWN OR PIN SOMEBODY LET THEM WRESTLE IN SOME OLD TIMER TOURNAMENTS AND SEE HOW EASY IT IS!! MY WHOLE PHILOSOPHY ON COACHING AT THIS LEVEL HAS ALWAYS BEEN TO MAKE IT FUN FOR THE KIDS. I AM NOT COACHING KIDS TO MAKE STATE CHAMPIONS AT THIS LEVEL, IF IT HAPPENS, GREAT, I AM COACHING KIDS TO STAY OUT AND ENJOY THE SPORT SO THEY CAN BE STATE CHAMPIONS AND GREAT KIDS AT THE STATE LEVEL AND BEYOND.

I couldn't agree with you anymore , it makes me sick when parents or coaches are standing there at the mat screaming , and i even seen a coach throw his hat off and slam his board down, when a little kid was wrestling , people need to chill out and let the kids do what they have been learned. Its not teaching them a thing by screaming at them, its fine to help them but to scream at the top of there lungs is CRAZY. Amiee

I know what your talking about, I see it all the time and it really does bother me as a coach, I yell during the match, but after the match is over you need to leave it on the mat, help the kid learn what he could have done differently to try to get the win next time.

I have a question as a coach, I dont work with our younger kids much but I do some we have some 6 year olds that while we are teaching will mess around, it makes it hard at this time, my question is what do you do at this age? Also what do you do as the kid gets older say 12 and 14

I LEARNED THAT IF KIDS ARE MESSING AROUND AT PRACTICE A TEN MINUTE TIME OUT ON THE SIDE OF THE MAT DOES WONDERS.

Boorish behavior is just that and I don't know anyone who advocates it. I certainly do not. I am 52 years and started playing organized sports when I was 9 in 1959. You will never convince me that the type of behavior you are describing is unique to this time period or wrestling itself. I saw plenty of it as a kid in the early 60s and all the way up to now. There were plenty of overzealous parents and coaches then too. It can be found in all youth sports today. We all need to watch overselves and do better in this area and I would bet most of us have been guilty of it at one time or another. No one is perfect. But thankfully I find what you are describing to be the exception not the rule.

I think that the majority of parents and coaches that I encounter in youth sports are loving and positive parents and coaches and as a rule do not engage in the activity you are describing. I am glad they are involved in coaching my children and letting their children compete against my children at wrestling and the other sports. They are all giving a lot of time to make this happen. I like the parents of the wrestlers that my son regularly competes against and he does too. He also likes his coaches. I have read a bigger problem today is those parents who do not spend time with their children and let them get out of shape by not participating in physical activities.

In my opinion the worst behavior is the 6 and 8 and under parents. When the kid needs reassurance after a loss or just a hug from their parents I've seen them get yelled at for not doing this or that. Last year I actually heard a father tell his son that he didn't deserve the 4th place medal because of how he wrestled - this was 6 and under!

I've often thought that someone should tape these parents and how they act at matside. Anonymously send the tape to them to view when things have calmed down. Maybe they will change their ways!

I couldn't agree with you more. I have 7 year old twins who have been wrestling for three years. Although my boys are competitive, they are usually smiling whether they win or lose. I honestly believe the wrestlers attitude depends on how coaches and parents react to them. The adults need to remember we are dealing with young children who need support and encouragement, not an adult towering over them screaming like a maniac.

I must admitt I was once one of these crazy parents, and unfortanetly my oldest had to deal with it for a dual and then, we got home watched the tape and I thought OH MY GOODNESS -- DID I REALLY SOUND THAT BAD!!!!!! How embarising for my son and what an idiot I must have looked like. Oh have I changed!!!! I think that someone should tell these parents how ridiculous they look and sound, BELIEVE me every time I get the urge to yell like a crazy fool - I sit back and think of that tape I wish I could BURN!!!! But my son keeps it around.

Now I am not saying that I do not yell words of encouragement, because I do. But now I take more time out to tell my boys (16 and 8 years old)win or loose that I am very proud of them and to keep working hard. They both work very hard at this sport and they both enjoy it, I would hate fore me or my husband to be the reason they would not want to do it anymore. Also, it is my favorite sport to watch and it teaches the my boys a great deal.

Anyways, I just wanted to put my two cents in on this subject, because I was once one of those CRAZY parents, but now I am reformed. Or atleast I hope I am not as bad, I guess you would have to ask them.

I LOVE MY WRESTLER'S!!!!
Chino & Tommy's Mom

I agree to a certain point with BHampton ,but i also have 2 sons that wrestle and my one 8yr old will come of the mat upset if he loses and we always tell him he did great, but on the other hand my 10yr old comes off the mat and if he lost his match, its like get out of his way, and i try and try to teach him that its fine to lose and everyone loses. But he is just in a rage, and me or his father never yell at him for a lost...So you really cant say that the way a kid comes off the mat reflects on his parents, not true at all in my case.....Amiee

Aimee - I understand what you are saying.. My oldest son is a high school wrestler who is much harder on himself than anyone else is. Maybe the child's reaction is a combination of their temperament and their parent/coach attitude? I also think as the child gets older they expect more from themselves and are more disappointed when they lose.

I think it is OK if a kid is hard on themselves , that is how they have to work through it. The more competative kids will deal with loss differently than other kids and that is OK. Your clubs should monitor the parents and coaches for behavior that is not constructive. We have a list of parent guidelines in our club that was modified from the club handbook. They are as followes:

General Guidelines

1. Do not impose your ambitions on your child. Remember that wrestling in the Osawatomie Wrestling Club is your child’s activity. Improvements and progress occur at different rates for each individual child. Don’t judge the progress of your child by the other wrestlers around him/her. Do not push them on how you believe they should be doing.

2. Be supportive no matter what. There is only one question to ask your child, “Did you have fun?” If practices and tournaments are not fun for your child, you should not force them to participate.

3. Do not coach your child. You have brought your child to the Osawatomie Wrestling Club and there are certified coaches and staff there to help them. Do not undermine the coaches by trying to coach your child on the side. Your job is to support, love, and hug your child no matter what. The coaches of the club are responsible for the technical part of the job. You should not offer advice on technique or mat strategy. That is not your area. This will only serve to confuse your child and prevent a wrestler/coach bond from forming. Always have positives to say at practice and tournaments.

4. Get involved with the Osawatomie Wrestling Club. Your club needs your help and support. Attend all parent and club meetings to find out how you can help.

5. Acknowledge your child’s fears. During wrestling practice and tournaments, your child will get his/her face rubbed in the mat and they will cry. You should always be there to support and encourage when this happens.

6. Do not criticize the officials. These guys are officiating up to 100 matches a day and they have heard it all. The only thing it will get you is thrown out of the tournament and then who will be there for your child. You will see some good matches and some bad ones. Be ready for it.

7. Do not expect your child to be and Olympian. There are 120,000 athletes in USA wrestling. There are only 20 spots available for the Olympics every 4 years. Your child’s odds of becoming an Olympian are 1 in 6,000. Wrestling is much more than the Olympics. Learn to appreciate all that wresting can contribute to your child’s development.


There should also be checks on your coaches. If you see a problem, let another coach know and your coaching staff should be able to deal with it together with the help of the club representative that deals with conflict. I also realize that there are coaches out there that won't tell the truth about ages, weights, novice or open (we have discussed this on previous posts)so the parents should be ready to deal with that also. Wrestling can be, should be, fun for all.

Kids wrestling fan: thanks for that list of guidelines, It also makes me feel a little better to hear you say that its okay for some kids to be hard on themself, cause i hate to see him like that and i try and try to reasure him its fine to lose... Thanks Amiee

Kids are hard on themselves sometimes when they lose. Thats ok that is just the natural competitive instinct that is stronger in some than others. I have seen great wrestlers that reacted either way. I think the best thing you can do is give them a big ole hug and take them for ice cream. Nothing heals a broken heart like a big cup of ice cream and hot fudge. The best wrestlers have a short memory. Try to get him to forget about it for a while and not dwell on the negative, he is a champion for being out there.

I would like to echo the concerns of the previous post. My 6yr old son is so very hard on himself after a loss. This is his second year of wrestling. There seems to be nothing we can say to console him. We want him to show good sportsmanship but after some of his matches he is so upset he just wants off the mat.
We have always been postive and offered support. He has chosen to be a wrestler. My husband and I have no history in the sport. We are learning right along with him. He has a very supportive and skilled coach. His take on our sons behavior has been much the same a previous posts on this topic, "He is a very competitive kid", He is hard on himself".
I think maybe it is more apparent in this sport because there are several potential losses at each tournament. Unlike basketball, football, and soccer there is usually just on game. If you lose you go home and recover there.
I would welcome any words of wisdom. Tell me something I can do, on top of the hugs and words of encouragment after the fact, that we are already doing. Is there something we can say or do before his matches that could help him? Right now we tell him, "Just do your best", "Have fun".

To allow a kid to be hard on himself is a lot different from allowing your child to be a bad sport. There still need to be some parenting done if your child is throwing headgear, throwing fits, or is just a bad sport. The "being hard on yourself" part starts when you walk off the mat. A friend of mine a few posts back on this topic said her son is hard on himself when he loses and he is, but I have never seen him be a poor sport when it came to shaking the other coaches hand or congradulating the winning wrestler. Your child has to know what behaviors are accepted on and off the mat. Be the parent, not a bystander, when these behaviors are being learned.

I think there is a big difference between a child learning to lose and learning to be a good sport in accepting a loss. My second grade girl lost in basketball this weekend and did not want to go and shake her opponents' hands in the line that forms after the game. I calmly told her if she wanted to play next week she needed to go and shake their hands in a good sports way. She did.

I don't want my son to like losing. But when he does lose, I expect him to respectfully look his opponent in the eye, congratulate his opponent and shake the winning wrestler's hand and then do the same to both set of coaches. After he has had some time to handle a defeat, I want him to think about what he can do to improve. I would not hesitate to pull him from a meet the following week either if this became a problem with him.

I agree with husker fan. I have never met a kid who doesnt want to win but if a kid can not handle defeat with respect towards others and to the sport on a consistent bases then maybe he or she isnt ready for competetive sports yet

Who should police the matside? Is it the tournament directors responsibility? Yes, I agree the parents should not be matside yelling and screaming, but obviously not all parents feel the same. Yes, the parents should know better, and no one should have to shoulder the resposibility but I don't think anything will change unless change in enforced.
Should the coaches instruct their parents at parents mtgs. on the proper conduct of parents?
As far as wrestlers conduct, his coach has never allowed my son to leave the mat without shaking hands respectfully with his opponents, coaches, and officals. My concern is, last year, his first year, he did not exhibit this behavior after losing. He was oblivious. He was all smiles. I guess I thought it would always be that way. I just wish I knew what to say to him that would help. Maybe I am an overly concerned parent. I can be reached at: sekmidwife@yahoo.com
Annette VanAnne